|The Story of the Something (Chapter 1)
||[Apr. 21st, 2014|04:58 am]
It was a special day for a lot of people, and a lot of those people wanted me to believe in Something that came from nothing. I'm going to write down what I've heard about the Something they want me to believe in.
This is the story about the Something that is what it is and came from nothing and made everything and is everything and so it knows everything and what everything will do. Some of the people don't believe in the Something, which is sad, because the Something kills everybody, but if they knew about the Something and His kid which is also the Something, which they choose not to believe in Them, and didn't choose to believe wrong things about the Something like that His kid is a whole other thing like the Something instead of being also the Something, well, the Something will invisibly unkill the people who believe the right things about the Something and His kid who is also the Something after He kills them.
Everything comes from something, but nothing made the Something because it was there first. That makes sense, because nothing comes from nothing, and everything comes from something, so Something had to be there first.
The Something made everything, which it is, like cancer and syphilis and head lice and octopi, and birds and birds that eat other birds, and trees and fungi and rocks and water and galaxies and big stars and little stars and lots and lots of empty planets. The Something is good, so even things that kill each other didn't when he made them.
The Something didn't like everything because everything did what He said, so he decided to make people, who He knew wouldn't do what He said, but could do what He said if they wanted to. So the Something made a person out of stuff, like clay and air. That was Adam. He told Adam to name everything. Then the Something made Adam sleepy and made another person named Eve out of clay and Adam's rib. They lived in a nice place.
Some important and shiny bits of everything called Angels, which had to do what the Something said, liked the Something more than they liked people, which was bad, so the Something put the bad Angels nowhere, where it puts things it kills forever. The Something knew the bad bits of everything that were the bad Angels would some day try to ruin everything, but that's actually good.
Then the Something made two trees. He didn't tell the people what the trees do, but He did tell them they could eat stuff from one tree, which made it so the people didn't die, but not from the other tree, which would make them smart, because if people ate that stuff the Something said He would kill them. The Something also made a slippery scaly thing called a snake, and the snake told the people the Something wouldn't kill them, and the tree's stuff would make them smart like the Something. The Something knew the snake would make the people want to eat stuff which would make them smart, which is bad, but that's okay because the Something can't really do bad things, so when bad stuff seems to happen it's invisibly good.
The people at the stuff from the tree that made them smart. The Something pretended it couldn't see everything, which it can because it is everything, and the people made stuff out of trees to cover their naughty bits because they were smart, so they knew those were naughty bits. Before then, when they were dumb, it was okay to show off their naughty bits.
The Something got angry at the people for hiding and covering their naughty bits with stuff because it meant they were smart. The Something knew the people would get smart, which was bad, but it's okay because He would kill them and all their kids, then the Something would make everything better some day.
The Something had made nice parts of everything, but smart people couldn't stay there because they'd eat stuff from both trees and be like the Something, which would be bad, so the Something made a good Angel chase the people out of the nice place with a thing made of fire. Then the Something made everything start killing everything, which was the Something. That was good, because being smart is bad.
The people made more people that were kids, which hurt because the people and their kids were bad because the people decided to be smart. The kids gave stuff they made and killed to the Something, but the Something didn't like stuff that wasn't full of red stuff, so one kid killed the other kid so he'd have really good stuff that was reddy. That was bad, though, so the Something changed how the bad kid looked so nobody would hurt him. then the bad kid went somewhere else and married nobody, and made his own kid, who married nobody and made his own kid who he named after himself, and they made a city named after the bad kid's kid.
The people made a new kid, who was still bad even though he didn't do anything bad, and then the people lived for a long long long time before the Something killed them. The people's kids made lots of people who were bad, and because everything was bad now, their kids looked funny. Some looked like little monkeys with little heads, and some others looked like big apes with huge heads and they ate grass, and some walked straight but most walked funny and on their hands. The ones who walked straight made boats and went everywhere in the world. They were all bad, though, and didn't try to be good, except for one person who tried to be good named Noah, who didn't look funny. The Something told Noah He was going to kill everybody and everything with water. So the person who tried to be good made a boat and put two of every kind of everything on the boat, like elephants and black widow spiders and fish and octopuses and birds, and birds who ate other birds, and head lice and mosquitoes and eyelash mites and termites and lions and kangaroos and coral and wheat and yeast and dogs and cats and slugs and snails and big eyed monkey things and lemurs and trees and mouthain goats and long-fingered monkeys, and put his family on the boat. Then the Something used water to kill all the people who didn't try to be good. The water went real fast and blew out a lot of dirt and made the Grand Canyon real fast, even though it looks like it was made really slow. Then the Something made a bird into a different kind of bird. I know the book about the Something says it like it was a bird, then it was a different kind of bird, and that can be confusing, but it means the Something changed the bird. Noah followed the bird in his boat, and the Something made the water go away. The Something didn't have to kill anything on other planets because the Something didn't make any people on them.
Noah and his family saw a colorful thing the Something made which meant the Something wouldn't kill everything with water ever again. So Noah, who tried to be good, made people, like browner people and pale people and even paler people and redder people and very special people who were bad but the Something liked them most of all. All these people went everywhere in the world, and I guess they forgot about the Something because they started to believe in other things like Amateseru and Brahma and Mercury and Quetzacotl because all the people want to believe in something, but they forgot about the real Something and believed in other things like the Something they made ofstuff. If you believe in other things made of just stuff, the Something kills you forever.
One day, the Something told one of the very special people to call Him the Something of the Mountain. The special person, who was named Abraham, moved his wife to a new place with him, where he tried to make people, but he couldn't because they were old and the Something was going to kill them soon. So he made a person with the wife's slave. That kid was named Ishmael. Then the Something made it so Abraham, the special person, could make a kid with his wife, and they named that kid Isaac, which means Laughy. So they kicked the wife's slave and her kid Ishmael out, and Ishmael made the Muslims, and that's why the Muslims are so mad at everything.
Then the Something told the special person to kill Laughy. The special person knew it was good to kill Laughy if the Something told him to, even though it would make him very sad. He was going to kill Laughy, but the Something told the special person Abraham that He just wanted to see if Abraham would really do it.
Laughy made a kid named Jacob who was also called Israel. Jacob wanted his favorite person to be his wife, so he gave her family a lot of stuff, but they tricked him and he got her sister as his wife instead, so he made a lot of kids with her while he got more stuff. Then he finally had enough stuff and gave it to her family again to get the person he really wanted. He made two kids with his favorite person before the Something killed her. Laughy's kid Israel had lots of kids, but his last one named Joseph from his favorite person was his favorite kid, so he cave him a really colorful coat and was going to give Joseph all his stuff later when the Something killed him, which was weird and made his other kids mad, so they tried to kill Joseph, then when that didn't work they made him somebody's slave for stuff and took away his colorful coat.
Israel's favorite person Joseph was taken to a place with a big river full of people who weren't special. They had a king who thought he was like a thing like the Something because he didn't know about the real Something, so he believed wrong things. Israel's favorite kid Joseph was told by the Something to tell the king that everything was going to go bad, so everybody should keep extra stuff before then. Joseph's family had traded Joseph for stuff, so they didn't know everything was going to go bad, so they had to move to the place with the big river where everybody had been told to keep extra stuff. When they got there, they saw Joseph and Joseph felt mad and a little silly, so he made it look like his brother had stolen stuff, which was bad. The other kids were sad and asked real nice for them not to kill Joseph's brother, so they didn't.
Israel's kids all had more kids, and those were the the tribes of Israel.
That's all for now.